Dear Mr. D

To Mr. D

It’s been three years since I met you; it is my first working year and you gave color to it. At first I don’t know you and I don’t even know you exist but one day after having a coffee break and a stick of cigarette we became friends.

The first…

The first conversation we had is all about what you know about me, and it is a surprise for me since I don’t personally know you. We work on a different group and we have different set of friends. Yes we also have things in common; the floor, the building and the company, but there is no way you will know those things. It all started with a question you asked me, Are you Angel?where do you live? You said there is one time that I had a chance to be on a jeep with you on the way home, and then you got down in a terminal near my place. I have no idea that was happened and I don’t have any idea that I rode with him on any jeep in my life before. Where the hell did you get my name! And then you told me a story, after asking

Before the first …

Actually, I lied! I’m sorry! You are not that so stranger to me because I know you already before I had a chance to talk to you. How? When I am just having my training as an analyst I was assigned to have a workplace somewhere near yours Honestly I did not see you immediately ‘coz that time I don’t care about anyone than my colleagues because I am still establishing a friendship and bond with them. But then because of your eyes captured mine, I know you exist. From there I always want to see you, I wish to be near you, to talk to you and have a conversation with you, or even if it’s impossible, to be friends with you. Even I had a slight crush on you; I never consider the possibility of you knowing me or even a slight possibility that you wasted your time knowing my name is nor looking and observing me go down a jeep.

After the first …

There’s nothing special happened, we just became friends. We usually converse while having a yosi break but there are no special about the conversations. We usually talked about work and general stuff like the government. One time I ran out of prepaid load and there is no available service where I can buy it. Fortunately, you’re selling prepaid load! After giving you my number to send me some load, you sent me a message to say hi and told me to save your number. I had a hope that the friendship that we currently have will go further or deeper because of that exchange of numbers. And it didn’t disappoint me. Are conversations now are deeper; I discovered new facts about you and found more surprises from you. Like there is one time that you called me by my surname, that I didn’t expect you know. Discoveries are made and topics of conversation widen but still there is no special about it.

As the years go by….

While I’m on the process of proving my self in the company, I made some good friends and some of them are your group mates and friends. Someone became closer to me and I can open more to her. I told her about you and she supports me about it and then told me some kilig things but nothing to confirm about it, the feelings! Still I did not find anything about yours to me. More things about you was discovered, your hometown, your hobbies, your qualities I didn’t know, who is your ex, everything I about you that I am interested in. When I learned who your ex is, my hope goes up because she is also chubby like me hahaha. Seriously, I had hopes not just because your ex and I are under the same weight range but because of the weird things I heard from your group whenever you and I are around. Actually it happened before our first meeting, I didn’t mention it earlier ‘coz I am not actually considering it as a fact but as a fantasy I think.

I came to a point that I gave up! I gave up the hopes and consider myself an idiot of fantasizing that you also have a feeling for me. So after two years of hanging the opportunity to apply for a better position, I accepted the chance of being a programmer and luckily I was accepted.

After my transfer….

Actually it’s not a big transfer because I just transferred to the other sister company of the previous company I work in and had a better position. It’s a big opportunity for me and a nice chance to give my family their needs. I am enjoying my new colleagues’ company since some of them are my friends’ way back college but still I’m not completely happy. Whenever I got home I look at the collage my ex workmates made for me which surprisingly includes a picture and a note from you. I miss my previous work not because of the work itself but because of the people from it, especially you. I see you once in a while but we have less opportunity to talk and have conversations, the only chance we have is whenever we chatted via ym and facebook but nothing special and kilig.

Now…

I now love where I am. I’m happy with the friendship I have with my friends and colleagues, and I am enjoying the perks of my job. There are times that I am forgetting you, and now I completely gave up the hopes of having you in my life. It must have been false hopes but I have no regrets about it because I enjoyed every kilig moments I had and the feeling of believing that someone sees me as someone special. Yes there are still questions I have in my mind that remain unanswered but it doesn’t matter anymore. I am accepting that you are just someone I dreamed to have happened that didn’t because I believe that in God’s time someone for me will come.

I know there is someone that making you happy and loved, someone who is lucky to have you in her life. It is clear to me now that I am just a friend whom you can talk to whenever you need it and I’m accepting it whole heartedly.

Thank you…

For making my first working job colorful and meaningful.

For making me happy even though you don’t know it.

For not making me feel awkward whenever you’re there.

For being a friend whenever I need it.

For unconsciously teaching me what is love and what is not.

For inspiring me to write this kind of things.

For coming in my life and teach me not to give up but to let go.